The Opportunity Game

We all have a personal story to tell, a narrative of our life. My life was a reasonably happy, normal life until about thirteen years ago. Without going into all the gory details, I was diagnosed with Graves Disease in 1996. For those of you who are not familiar with this disease, I had a hyperactive thyroid. While this gave me the wonderful ability to eat whatever and whenever I wanted without ever gaining any weight, it also left me weak, impaired my thinking and caused me to lose a significantly unhealthy amount of weight. After several months of misdiagnosis, I was finally put on medication and my illness began to abate. However, this was just the prelude to a more long-lasting relationship between the medical world and myself.

Pain Presents Opportunity #1

At the end of September 1998, I was sitting at my desk doing some paperwork when I felt an excruciating pain in my right side. It wasn’t like anything that I had experienced before. I thought that perhaps I had pulled a muscle. However, the pain didn’t diminish when I changed positions. Having once had a ruptured ovarian cyst, I called my gynecologist who examined me and immediately sent me for a sonogram. The sonogram indicated that there was something that could be a tumor but without surgery, I would not know for sure about the nature of the growth. I saw an excellent gynecological oncological surgeon (a surgeon who specializes in gynecological cancers) and set up an appointment for the next available surgery date.

In the intervening several days, I had to seriously consider that I might have cancer. Still, the thought of ME having cancer was unbelievable to me. Other people were diagnosed with cancer but I was relatively healthy. Besides, I had already been diagnosed with Graves Disease. One disease was more than enough, thank you! I went through all sorts of emotions concerning the possible outcome of the surgery. My favorite coping mechanism at that time was denial. Why worry about something that wasn’t yet diagnosed? And yet, there was some doubt floating around my mind.

My surgery occurred on October 4, 1998. All things considered, it was a relatively easy surgery. I was released from the hospital in several days and felt healthy enough to go back to work about a week later. My follow-up appointment scheduled with surgeon ten days later would reveal the outcome. Since things were moving along well, I assumed the best. I had a good attitude and was relatively upbeat even as I arrived at my surgeon’s office.

Cancer Presents Opportunity #2

However, once I sat down and got comfortable, my surgeon said to me. “I’m sorry to have to tell you…” (I stopped listening at that point). Fortunately, I had a good friend accompany me to the doctor’s office and she heard the end of the sentence. “… That your ovary was cancerous.” Prior to my surgery, I had agreed that if the surgeon found any cancer at all, that he would perform a complete hysterectomy on me. This was standard procedure as part of the treatment protocol for ovarian cancer. It was doubly good that the doctor performed the hysterectomy. The pathology report indicated that I not only had ovarian cancer but uterine cancer as well.

As you can imagine, I was in complete shock. I remember looking at my watch and thinking that I was going to die in a few minutes. Who could live with a dual diagnosis like that? I asked my surgeon what my odds of survival were. He replied, “80/20. I don’t know about you but I’m going for a complete cure! I got it all and I’m very optimistic.” That calmed me down and I immediately started to envision myself as healthy. Of course, I still faced a year of chemotherapy and radiation treatments but I now had hope and space to consider what my diagnosis meant to me.

After recovering from the initial shock, I began to feel my grief as I let myself face the possibility of dying. That was the first opportunity that cancer afforded me. Prior to my diagnosis, I didn’t choose to contemplate my death. I knew that it would happen but I would think about it later when I was old and “prepared to die”. As if we are ever prepared to die without consciously choosing to prepare! The gift of grief was that I had the opportunity to take stock of my life and make some new decisions. I told everyone that I was going into “the cancer monastery” for a year (the length of my treatment) and when I came out I would be healed in mind, body and spirit. It felt like an excellent metaphor at the time. After all, I had to shave my head and shed my regular everyday behaviors while I put my full attention on my treatment that entailed daily and weekly practices. Cancer provided me with a sabbatical of sorts. A chance to contemplate who I was, whom I wanted to be and with whom I would choose to be in community.

50/50

When I saw my medical oncologist (the doctor who oversees the chemotherapy treatment), he told me that he too had some unexpected bad news. The pathology report that my surgeon saw was not the final report. They had found some cancer cells in my pelvic cavity that meant that the cancer wasn’t fully removed. Yet again, I felt as if the ground was shaking beneath my feet. I asked this doctor what my odds were. He looked me right in the eye and said, “50/50”. Although my odds were now significantly lower, in a strange way, he gave me a gift. If things could go equally either way, then I could make a difference. I chose life and health and I firmly committed myself to that outcome. I replied, “Well, I know which ‘50’ I’m standing in!” And so I have been since that very moment.

A few weeks after I began my cancer treatment, I ran into a friend I hadn’t seen in a while. She was very solicitous and said to me, “I’m so sorry that you were diagnosed with cancer.” I replied, “Who better than I to get cancer? I have the resources to deal with it and when I am better I am going to give something back to the community!” Cancer was providing with all sorts of new attitudes and conversations that prior to my diagnosis I couldn’t ever imagine entertaining myself.

Cancer Teaches Generosity

As my treatment wore on, I began to feel worse and worse. I determined that the only way to get through the treatment was to use myself as a laboratory so that I could help others who were going through the same experience. Prior to getting diagnosed with cancer, I used to say, “There’s no point in having a tragedy in your life if you can’t make it work for you!” Now my mantra was “There’s no point in having cancer if you can’t use your experience to help others.”

This attitude of learning from tragedy and sharing your knowledge with others was the true birth of The Opportunity Game. I started playing The Opportunity Game many years ago. It works. I am a prime example of its success. The good news is that The Opportunity Game works in times of tragedy and loss as well as optimism and abundance. It is about resilience, creativity, and community in the service of living your authentic life and sharing your authentic love.

Deafness is Golden

Cancer was only one hardship that playing The Opportunity Game has helped me overcome. I also lost my hearing as a result of my cancer treatments. The Opportunity Game allowed me to know that losing my hearing would not be the end of the world. In fact, it became a business opportunity for me. I learned to listen in ways that utilized my whole body and not just my ears. As a coach this was incredibly beneficial to both my clients and me. I frequently had clients say to me, “How can you pick up on the subtlest of cues when you’re deaf? You can’t hear a thing!” I would tell them, “Ah, I’m sorry that you are not deaf so that you can learn to hear the way that I do.”

Every moment is an opportunity. The only question is whether you are going to say yes or no to each moment that comes your way. Of course, in reality we can’t say yes to everything. But imagine the quality of your life if you embraced everything as a possibility to learn, change and grow. The choice is yours. We each play The Opportunity Game all the time. Are you saying, “Yes!” or are you saying, “No!”?

As much as each of us resists change, change is what allows us to thrive. The human race is facing immense change on every important dimension of life. Our environment is rapidly changing; our financial, political and social lives are in flux. We have to reassess how we live our lives if we want our children and grandchildren to live lives that are worth living. The old ways are dying off and younger generations are heralding change at a faster pace than ever before. We will all change because we must in order to survive.

The Opportunity Game was born as I was hovering on the edge of life and death. Your changes may not be that dire or severe. Regardless, through The Opportunity Game you can make changes in a supportive and fun environment designed in a way that is customized just for you. I invite you to play with me and embrace opportunity, possibility and growth.