Gretchen Rubin posts many interesting suggestions and queries on her blog, “The Happiness Project”. I came across this question today: Do you make the mistake of describing a task as “easy” or “no big deal”? She points out that research shows that people persevere longer when told something is difficult than when they think it should be easy. Being the optimistic person that Gretchen is she has often told herself and others that something is easy in order to be encouraging when in fact, the task is difficult. While motivated from the best of intentions, this behavior can have the exact opposite effect.
Reading this, it reminded me of the importance of honesty. When we negate another person’s experience in favor of our own or our own wished for experience, it creates a disconnect and a loss of trust in the relationship. Ultimately, negating another person’s experience creates more work for both us and the people we negate. At the very least, we must repair the trust lost in the relationship if we intend for the relationship to continue. A more difficult task is to help the other person rebuild their trust in their own experience. Read the rest of this entry »
Each time that I watch this video, I feel my deep ambivalence about making intimate connections with strangers. Intellectually, it feels like a wonderful idea. However, when I’m walking outside and someone I don’t know nears me, it takes all of my courage to look them directly in the eye and smile at them. My fear of rejection is so great that I don’t want to risk even a moment of rejection for the possibility of connection. And yet I do. Most times, the other people happily return my smile. They have no idea how much I felt I just risked in offering a simple smile.
And what is a “simple smile”? It turns out that there are several different types of smiles. A “Duchenne smile” (named after the French doctor Guillaume Duchenne who studied facial expressions) is considered to be an authentic smile as it involves the contractions of both the voluntary muscles around the mouth and the involuntary muscles on the sides of our eyes. This signals a rush of genuine spontaneous positive feeling on the part of the person smiling. A “non Duchenne smile” involves only the voluntary contraction of our mouth muscles and thus can be perceived to be a more superficial or manipulative expression. Read the rest of this entry »
Despite some resistance from the authorities, Phil has continued to hold his sign high for Let’s Chat. Here’s a video update on his activities.
Congratulations, Phil! You’re doing a great job continuing to create new opportunities for people to interact in Kuala Lumpur. Who knows what the impact will be? At the very least there have been cultural exchanges between you and people from other countries. Perhaps in the future, more Malaysians will engage in Let’s Chat activities. And it seems like you are making new friends. Thanks for playing The Opportunity Game in your own inimitable way!
You would think that conversation would be a normal human activity in which to engage. However, blatantly inviting conversation among strangers or “chatting” as my friend, Phil Durnford calls it, is a not only unusual, it’s frowned upon by officials in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Phil who defines himself as a “Joyist” and thus “the antithesis of a terrorist” initiated his “Let’s Chat” campaign in Calgary, Canada last year in attempt to discover what was available from talking to people in the public square. Although Phil appears to be totally normal, he is an elf in disguise bringing magic with him wherever he goes.
It has been over twenty-four hours since the California State Supreme Court refused to rule the egregiously homophobic Proposition 8 unconstitutional. I’m still in shock that the court found it legal to take away the rights of a group of American citizens. While I am sure that history will prove this decision to be the last gasp of a dying bigoted agenda, it saddens me that the court deemed this proposition worthy of any respect at all.
I find it ludicrous that supporters of Proposition 8 find that the marriage of two lesbians or gay men undermines the institution of marriage. How can the marriage of two men or two women possibly undermine another marriage that is healthy? It seems to me that supporters of Proposition 8 view marriage as a special club. It is only open to a couple composed of one man and one woman. Any other combination must be excluded. If one is to use marriage as a weapon of exclusion, I think that love should be the exclusionary determinant. If you do not love one another, you definitely should be persuaded not to marry. As long as love, respect and honoring of each partner is present, why is it necessary to forbid people to marry? Read the rest of this entry »
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