The Opportunity Game

When was the last time you were silent in a conversation for more than 30 seconds? Go ahead, take a moment and remember. What did it feel like? Were you anxious or could you luxuriate in just receiving what was being offered in that moment?

The world seems to be a loud and noisy place these days with few spaces for silence, listening and reflection. I’m very aware of my own silence these days in situations where until just recently I normally would have offered a quick and unconscious response. What has kept me quiet? Ironically, it is my newly recovered ability to hear. Read the rest of this entry »

He Was Me

I came across this short movie by Peter Reynolds via Patty Digh’s excellent blog 37 Days. Bonding with our “inner child” has been all the rage these past couple of decades. Personally, the whole idea of an inner child has not particularly thrilled me. It has always felt trite and too contrived. Yet I know that a part of me still has my childlike wonder, creativity and incessant desire to learn new things. This child part of me was also not afraid to fail in the service of learning of new things and was much more authentic in expressing her feelings before she learned what was appropriate in her family and the world. The child in me who has now morphed into an adult still lives and still longs to express herself in both good ways and ways that are not always best for the adult version of me.

“He Was Me” provided me with an opportunity to ponder the many experiences that I have chosen to forgo because they are not appropriately adult. Most of these experiences involve having fun, pretending, being silly and much to my surprise, involve a healthy amount of creativity. It’s sad for me to realize that I have an unconscious picture of adults being stodgy, serious, uptight and definitely not fun! This could describe my parents who were my first role models in the world of adulthood. Read the rest of this entry »

Gretchen Rubin posts many interesting suggestions and queries on her blog, “The Happiness Project”. I came across this question today: Do you make the mistake of describing a task as “easy” or “no big deal”? She points out that research shows that people persevere longer when told something is difficult than when they think it should be easy. Being the optimistic person that Gretchen is she has often told herself and others that something is easy in order to be encouraging when in fact, the task is difficult. While motivated from the best of intentions, this behavior can have the exact opposite effect.

Reading this, it reminded me of the importance of honesty. When we negate another person’s experience in favor of our own or our own wished for experience, it creates a disconnect and a loss of trust in the relationship. Ultimately, negating another person’s experience creates more work for both us and the people we negate. At the very least, we must repair the trust lost in the relationship if we intend for the relationship to continue. A more difficult task is to help the other person rebuild their trust in their own experience. Read the rest of this entry »

‘the perilous journey …’ from Nic Askew on Vimeo.

THIS FILM IS BEST EXPERIENCED …

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THESE FILMS ARE BEST EXPERIENCED WITHOUT THE DISTRACTION OF THE MODERN WORLD

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They concern the ability to see. And to pay full attention. A challenge in a fast paced world.

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WARNING : DO NOT ATTEMPT TO VIEW IF ANYTHING ELSE IS GOING ON

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1. LOWER THE LIGHTS.

2. SWITCH THE OFF THE WORLD. HEADPHONES ON. IF ALONE.

3. PLAY FULL SCREEN. Read the rest of this entry »

A Thousand Words from Ted Chung on Vimeo.

Each time that I watch this video, I feel my deep ambivalence about making intimate connections with strangers. Intellectually, it feels like a wonderful idea. However, when I’m walking outside and someone I don’t know nears me, it takes all of my courage to look them directly in the eye and smile at them. My fear of rejection is so great that I don’t want to risk even a moment of rejection for the possibility of connection. And yet I do. Most times, the other people happily return my smile. They have no idea how much I felt I just risked in offering a simple smile.

And what is a “simple smile”? It turns out that there are several different types of smiles. A “Duchenne smile” (named after the French doctor Guillaume Duchenne who studied facial expressions) is considered to be an authentic smile as it involves the contractions of both the voluntary muscles around the mouth and the involuntary muscles on the sides of our eyes. This signals a rush of genuine spontaneous positive feeling on the part of the person smiling.  A “non Duchenne smile” involves only the voluntary contraction of our mouth muscles and thus can be perceived to be a more superficial or manipulative expression. Read the rest of this entry »